Affair #7: I Want to Be Close to Somebody…but can’t stand intimacy Affair
Most of us maintain a balance and freedom between moving close to someone and valuing our autonomy. The cheating spouse in this type of affair experiences great internal tension in this process. An affair becomes a means to moderate the tension.
Evaluate I want to be close- intimacy
Uncover and evaluate the top 12 characteristics and motives for someone who wants to be close to someone but can’t stand intimacy. Which most significantly fit your spouse?
‘I Want to be Close to Someone but Can’t Stand Intimacy’ Shifts
These are the changes you will experience as you move through this Module. Examine the shifts you are making or desire to make. Note when they happen. Keep them in the top of your mind each day. Live with them for the next few days. Focus.
Use ‘Get to Real Commitment’
Remember to use Charge Neutral in conjunction with Get to the Real Commitment. Do you have a support system? Someone to share what you are doing? A place where you can go to debrief? Someone who can encourage you?
Evaluating ‘Get to the Real Commitment’
How successful was Get to the Real Commitment on a scale of 1-10, 10 being very successful? Download the worksheet to monitor and reflect on what transpired.
Use ‘Leaping Your Partner’
Keep in mind: Initially use Leaping Your Partner as an experiment. There are 15 other skills you can employ as well. Leaping Your Partner may not be the end all for you with your spouse. You are changing the rules of your interaction (game) with your spouse so you are not sure of the results. Pay close attention to the outcome.
Evaluating ‘Leaping Your Partner’
Take time to debrief. Do this during a quiet moment. Or, share what happened with a trusted friend, mentor or coach. Allow the questions on this Worksheet to guide you.
Use ‘Look for the Upset’
Remember to use Charge Neutral in conjunction with Look for the Upset. Do you have a support system? Someone to share what you are doing? A place where you can go to debrief? Someone who encourages you?
Evaluating ‘Look for the Upset’
How did it go? Looking for the upset can be quite disconcerting for a relationship that has worked hard to cope with and balance the tension. The tension emerging often is initially uncomfortable. But, there is also a huge senses of relief.
Use ‘Step Over Nothing’
After carefully listening to the video, use this Worksheet to guide your usage of “Step Over Nothing.” Begin experimenting, somewhat softly at first if you are uncomfortable with this skill.
Evaluating ‘Step Over Nothing’
Take time to debrief after using “Step Over Nothing.”Do this during a quiet moment. Or, share what happened with a trusted friend, mentor or coach. Allow the questions in this Worksheet to guide you.
‘Want to be Close to Someone’ Reveiw and Benefits
Check out your attainments in this 18 point checklist. I want you to feel the tension and burden of the relationship and secrets evaporate. I want you to be fearless as you confront the significant life issues. I want you to be persistent and calm.