Affair #2: I Can’t Say No
We are all grabbed by something. Something “out there” pulls us and seems to demand energy and focus. One in an “I Can’t Say No” type of affair claims to be grabbed – perhaps obsessed and seemingly can’t let go.
Evaluate I Cant say no
Take a deep breath. I want you to stand back emotionally and take a few minutes to reflect on what is happening in your life that is not working, especially in regards to the “I Can’t Say No” type of affair. Spend some time with these questions. Let them sink in. Be honest in your appraisal. Rank order the top 3 motives that characterize your cheating spouse.
I cant say no Shifts
A shift is any movement or change you make in the way you think, act or feel. A different thought may lead to a different action or different feeling. Or a different action may lead to a different thought and/or feeling. Shifts happen all the time. Change is a constant. Change will never end. Awareness of your shifts feels very good. You are in control! You sail your own ship.
You will evaluate three aspects of Problemize. First, what is their problem and how to do address it? Second, what is your problem in the relationship and how can you expose it? Third, what are situations where the problem emerges and what can you do? Suggested statements are taken from “Break Free From the Affair.” They can serve as a beginning point. Rank order what you believe would be the best phrase that would apply to your spouse.
The 1-10 scale is a simple but very powerful tool. Power lies in having a measuring stick for success. It’s like stepping on the bathroom scale each morning and noting your weight loss (if that is a desire for you.) You will note incremental changes. You may look in the mirror and not notice any change, day to day, but the scale let’s you know you are target (or not on target.) It keeps you chugging along.
I cant say no Reveiw and Benefits
Evaluate what you’ve learned and applied in this module. Use the 1-5 scale to measure your progress. Remember, you can come back to this module time and time again as you move through recovery. You are encouraged to do that. Reviewing this material a week from now will bring up more learnings and insights.